Dear Monday

Dear Monday,

So we meet again.

The temps fell substantially today, making it actually feel like Thanksgiving is just days away. {Also, wow, when did that happen?!}  Mark made the first fire in our fireplace tonight.  This is my first time having a wood burning fireplace and I was thinking I wouldn't like it, because I assumed it was going to smell like a camp fire.  But it actually doesn't smell at all!  Everything just wisps right up into the chimney like it's supposed to.  And since the homeowner before us left more firewood stacked up in the backyard than we could ever possibly use, we have some "free heat" for the cold weather.  Gus seems to like it too, even if he is a bit wary of the crackling flames.

I am really over grad school right now.  It's just something else I have to do every night, so I'm looking forward to the break during December.  If everything pans out right, this Spring will be my last semester of classes (yay!) and I will be a full-fledged, real teacher next fall. {But isn't that what I already am??}  I am really just trusting God that things will fall together (like they always seem to do) and I'll have a place next year.  Be where I'm supposed to be.  In the meantime, I try not to freak out about it all and really take it one day at a time.  Don't think about the paper due next week or the lesson plans for Thursday or the degree plan I need to get signed by my (mostly absent) advisor.  I just focus on what I have to do today, what I have to do right now.  I wonder, will life always be this busy?

Something else that happened - my birthday.  It was a nice day and a nice weekend with friends and family.  But then it came and went, and it was back to the regular days.  I'm trying hard not to stress out about... life.  Work and school, mainly.  I hate that feeling of always feeling like there's something you should be doing.  Reading. Homework. Studying. Paperwork for grad school. Figuring out where I'll be next year.  Taking state tests.  Signing up for them.  Reviewing for them.  Passing them.  Planning for school tomorrow.  Making everything I need at school.  Replying to emails.  Sleeping.  Treading water.. staying afloat.  One of the other teacher's put it well... you fake it 'til you make it.  Even if you don't know what the heck you're doing... fly by the seat of your pants.  Pretend you do.  Odds are, no one will notice.  Right?

Life is busy, but it's also really good.  Really, really good.  I try to remind myself everyday that I'm lucky to be where I am.  To not get swept up in the little things.  To not feel guilty when I just want to watch TV without also working on homework.  Or to read a book for fun, not because I have to for class or school.  Or to sleep late on the weekends.  Not do the laundry.  Leave the dirty dishes in the sink (cause really, that's where they always are!).

So Monday, I'll see you again next week.  And by the time you roll around, I'll have finished the homework that's due, turned in the paperwork, sent in the emails, even taken another one of those pesky state tests.  And I'll be one week closer to having it all figured out... for now.